girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i think i have two assholes
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
