Pappa wants mamma naked
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
