just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
