My liver just broke up with me...
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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