is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
