You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
