Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
