On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Randomize
