Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
