roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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