I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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