Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
