Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
