She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
