a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
