So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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