The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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