Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
