dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
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The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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