I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Found the puke drawer
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
