im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
