Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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