It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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