Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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