Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
youre lurking in front of me
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
