I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
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