Fine. I'll sleep in my office
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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