Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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