My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
