Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
