i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
