I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
