I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
