Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
