if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
