you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
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We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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