made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize