my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
