Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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