we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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