I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
