Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
