Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
