if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
