Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
He better not be in your backpack
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
