I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Randomize
