2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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