im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
