he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
