Swine flu. Run for my life!
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
