Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
