I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
