so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
