i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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