just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
