I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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