It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
