At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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