I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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