Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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