More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Randomize
