the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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