brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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