we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
