I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
a search helicopter?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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